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| Photo credit: amybirdsong.com. |
This half-year has been something... certainly not been what we expected. It has contained some of the best and some of the hardest days in my memory.
On that day of our marriage, I so looked forward to being together, but I expected that, knowing myself, it would tough for me to make the transition from being single to married. In actuality, though, it was great fun. Kagi is my best friend and it is so fun to do life together. I love that in the times of both bliss and conflict we were building our life together. Work in marriage is purposeful and should pay dividends for decades to come. I really like that.
On the other hand, our circumstances have been very hard. Due to (mostly) unexpected visa issues we've physically been together for only about two of the six months. After being on the road for several years and being long-distance for much of our dating and engagement time, I was thrilled to live together and have our own home -- something I've really missed over the last few years. I couldn't have been more ready to really live somewhere -- to get my stuff in one place, to decorate, and take a break from living on the road. Sadly, the unpredictable nature of life on the road has only increased for me since being married.
With all of the turmoil, I have occasionally struggled deeply with disappointment, disillusionment, and even self-doubt. On that day of our marriage, I so looked forward to being together. I looked forward to getting some balance and steadiness back in life. I love Kagi and so want to live our life together, and even now I am here, on the other side of the world, having too much to do but feeling unable to do anything productive (probably a topic for another blog). At times, I fear that this time apart will damage our relationship. I fear that I am going to completely lose it.
In thinking about it today, however, I am thankful that even though I couldn't have imagined this kind of a start to marriage, God has graciously sustained us. I am so, so glad I married Kagi, and even knowing what has happened so far I would do it again even more confidently than I did six months ago. And I remember some key things I have been learning:
On that day of our marriage, I so looked forward to being together, but I expected that, knowing myself, it would tough for me to make the transition from being single to married. In actuality, though, it was great fun. Kagi is my best friend and it is so fun to do life together. I love that in the times of both bliss and conflict we were building our life together. Work in marriage is purposeful and should pay dividends for decades to come. I really like that.
On the other hand, our circumstances have been very hard. Due to (mostly) unexpected visa issues we've physically been together for only about two of the six months. After being on the road for several years and being long-distance for much of our dating and engagement time, I was thrilled to live together and have our own home -- something I've really missed over the last few years. I couldn't have been more ready to really live somewhere -- to get my stuff in one place, to decorate, and take a break from living on the road. Sadly, the unpredictable nature of life on the road has only increased for me since being married.
With all of the turmoil, I have occasionally struggled deeply with disappointment, disillusionment, and even self-doubt. On that day of our marriage, I so looked forward to being together. I looked forward to getting some balance and steadiness back in life. I love Kagi and so want to live our life together, and even now I am here, on the other side of the world, having too much to do but feeling unable to do anything productive (probably a topic for another blog). At times, I fear that this time apart will damage our relationship. I fear that I am going to completely lose it.
In thinking about it today, however, I am thankful that even though I couldn't have imagined this kind of a start to marriage, God has graciously sustained us. I am so, so glad I married Kagi, and even knowing what has happened so far I would do it again even more confidently than I did six months ago. And I remember some key things I have been learning:
- I don't know how many days we will have together, so I will be thankful for every one we are given. If I can learn that lesson well and live it out for years to come, it also should pay dividends. That helps.
- Although we don't have much right now, we seem to have enough for today. That is a blessing and something I want to be truly thankful for.
- We are so blessed with friends and family on whom we really have needed to rely on to get through this. I don't take one of them (you) for granted and when I think about you I remember that no matter how difficult things become I am (we are) lavishly and extraordinarily blessed.
- The Lord who supplies all my needs is present and is good. When I am frustrated with people and institutions as I have regularly been of late, I am challenged to remember this: Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. In my mind it sounds a little more like: Some trust in governments and some trust in money, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
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